Mental Health: How to Help Hurting Men Speak up

For generations, the phrase “man up” has echoed through homes, classrooms, and even streets, quieting millions of men in the process. Despite the rising awareness of mental health, one group still lingers largely in the shadows: men. It isn’t that they are immune to emotional pain, no, they’ve just been governed to conceal it. “Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, when in fact acknowledging them is the beginning of strength.” Dr. Niobe Way, a recognized developmental psychologist at NYU and Author, argues.

From the moment they learn to walk and talk, boys are taught an unspoken rule: never show weakness. Forbidden from crying, instructed not to feel much. As they grow into men, they embrace this silent burden – one that teaches them to withhold their struggles, to endure, mistaking vulnerability for failure.

As mental health awareness campaigns gain momentum worldwide, the emotional needs of our heroes remain overlooked, with the silence engulfing men’s mental health not just deafening but deadly.

Mental Health Statistics

Despite global campaigns urging people to prioritize mental wellbeing, men still stand as the most unlikely group to seek help. According to the World Health Organization, when compared to women, men are practically twice as likely to die by suicide, a horrifying statistic reflected across continents.

In Kenya, statistics from the Ministry of Health disclose that suicide figures are elevated among men, summing up to more than 75% of every reported case in recent years.

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A 2022 disclosure by Befrienders Kenya also recorded an acute increase in mental health suffering calls from men aged 18 to 35, many quoting depression, monetary crisis, and family-related stress.

As we mark Men’s Health Month this July, the necessity to bring to the limelight this hushed predicament has never been more compelling.

How men are socialized

Starting from a juvenile age, boys are time and again instructed that sentiments and emotions are manifestations of weakness, fragility – something to repress rather than reveal.

In plenty of Kenyan homes and communities, the set phrase “wewe ni mwanaume” (you are a man) is used rather not to inspire but rather to shame any indicators of vulnerability.

Shedding of tears is dismissed, fear is frowned upon, with opening up frequently discouraged. These profoundly entrenched assumptions go beyond just structuring how men view themselves and construct emotional cages that are difficult to break free from.

Ultimately, when these boys transition into adults, the majority have learned to suffer inaudibly, maintaining that strength denotes segregation and that requesting for assistance is a betrayal of their manliness.

The impact

The outcome of this silence is an escalating mental health predicament concealed in plain sight.

Plenty of men battle depression, anxiety, and unsettled trauma, with a few having the tools or support structures to get through.

In the long run, this suffering is diverted to socially justifiable channels like outrage, workaholism and drug dependence.

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Relationships suffer as men withdraw emotionally, not able to vocalize what they feel or why.

Others embody their struggles, putting on masks of regularity whilst fighting staggering darkness behind shut doors.

In worst-case scenarios, silence becomes lethal with suicide silently claiming the lives of men who never felt they could speak up.

Enabling men speak up

Breaking this pattern requires more than asking men to “speak up.” It requires forging surroundings where they feel safe doing so.

Peer support groups, workplace mental health days and therapy are vital requirements, but also the daily support of those closest to them.

Mothers, wives, girlfriends and sisters can create a sphere of difference by listening minus judgment, checking in instead of waiting for a meltdown and emphasizing to the men in their lives that susceptibility is not imperfection.

Dads and brothers as well, need to be part of this change, customizing emotional straightforwardness, not just resilience.

Healing starts when men are seen and heard and supported not only by the professionals but also the people who know them best.

Initiating a society where men can boldly discuss their mental health isn’t a one-month drive, it’s a lifelong transition that begins with kindness and daily talks.

Beginning from the living room to the boardroom, classroom to the barbershop, we must regularize emotional sincerity and review what being strong means.

As Kenyan mental health advocate Nicholas Okumu states, “It’s not enough to say, ‘men should open up.’ They need spaces where it is safe to do so.” Since when men are permitted to heal out loud, all communities flourish.

This article was written by Nabalayo Michelle Simali, a journalism and mass communication student. The views expressed in this opinion piece are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect our editorial stance.

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